It’s not uncommon for women with ADHD to have difficulty setting boundaries in their relationships. If you are a woman with Adhd and you struggle with this, don’t worry. You aren’t alone!

Questions to ask yourself about boundaries

Do you gravitate toward people who lean on you for help but aren’t there when you need it?

DO you find yourself not expressing your feelings or needs?

DO you struggle with setting limits or saying no to the people in your life and later find yourself resentful and angry?

Do you find yourself not being able to ask for or give help?

DO you always need a lot of validation from others to feel okay about yourself?

Some things to know

To be in healthy relationships, both people need to compromise and participate in the give and take.

Disagreements are okay, and relationships should be safe enough for this to happen.

Having ADHD makes confusion about relationships and boundaries more likely.

Here are four reasons you might struggle with boundaries if you have ADHD.

Low self-esteem

Years of feeling like an outsider socially, struggling with secondary depression or anxiety, hearing critical messages from society or their families, or feeling like you don’t measure up across multiple domains cause low self-esteem and self-confidence.

Setting boundaries and being assertive can be scary for this reason. It would help if you felt confident in your rights and feelings to set boundaries successfully.

Women with ADHD may constantly accommodate others, even when it means sacrificing their own needs.

You may have learned how to do this to feel good about yourself. However, you may now find that not saying “no” or boundaries on what you are willing to do makes you feel taken advantage of by the closest people. That doesn’t’ feel good. It’s okay. It’s time to evolve!

If you recognize these patterns in your own life, it may be helpful to seek out counseling or therapy to learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships.

Fear of Abandonment

A second reason I see women with ADHD often have trouble with boundaries in relationships is that they often fear abandonment. Many years of criticism and perceived inadequacy can lead to this.

It’s unfortunate that if you fail to set boundaries and articulate your needs, you may often feel ignored or unimportant. These feelings will exacerbate feelings of being uncared for and abandoned.

Sacrificing your own needs to keep your relationship going or avoid perceived abandonment isn’t usually a recipe for happiness. While it is essential to be supportive in a relationship, it is also essential to nurture your well-being. Otherwise, you may end up feeling resentful and trapped. Never fear; you can change.

Masking

Since women with ADHD often feel the need to mask their true selves to avoid judgment or criticism, it’s natural for them to hide their thoughts, needs and feelings in a relationship. They may constantly accommodate others or say “yes” when they want to say “no.” Again, over time, this can lead to resentment and feelings of being trapped.

Although masking may be a way you learned to be in the world to survive that has helped you function, it’s likely something you want to work on modifying in intimated and close relationships if possible. If you’re a woman with ADHD who feels like you’re constantly bending over backward in your relationships. It’s essential to learn how to set boundaries. This means being your authentic self and learning to assert yourself and communicate your needs. It may not be easy at first, but having a healthy and fulfilling relationship as your true self is possible.

Codependency

is wanting to help others because you struggle to help and control yourself
Some people might see this as controlling behavior or micromanaging behavior.
Women with ADHD struggle with executive functions. This can lead to difficulty with feeling like they have the control and ability to manage their own lives. In response, they may try to focus on helping others to feel more in control. Learn more about codependency. 

To sum up these ideas, women with ADHD have difficulty setting boundaries in relationships because they often have a history of masking their true selves to please others. They may fear abandonment and have low self-confidence and self-esteem. Additionally, feeling like they lack control over their own lives can make them feel good by helping others and micromanaging them, which is known as codependency. If you are in a relationship with someone who has ADHD, it is essential to be understanding and patient. Help them set boundaries by communicating what you need from them clearly and concisely.