How to Be More Happy

HAPPINESS HABITS to Learn and give up

Forgiveness How can you to it safely

Forgiveness what are the steps?

Generosity. Why are we never taught how to protect ourselves from those who take too much? 

Judgement Why do we do it and how to help ourselves with it

Procrastination How it hurts us

Procrastivity What we do when we don’t want to do the thing we need to do

Compassion and happiness How they are related

I have spent the last 26  years helpintaeg clients in my therapy practice to with a variety of different issues. Regardless of what they show up at my door talking about, they all want the same thing: how to be more happy.

In my quest to learn all the research, tricks, strategies, and methods to help my clients, I stumbled upon the realization that happiness is all anyone wants. I’m no different from my clients, I want to be happy too! I honestly
never thought of things so simply. This section of my website is dedicate to all the things I find that lead to more happiness

“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence” Aristotle

Aristotle agrees with me! It doesn’t matter who you are. The purpose of life is to be happy. 

When I realized this,  I thought about my education, my need to diagnoses the women I see  perfectly, define their problem concisely, create treatment plans, and then create goals that I would measure to see if I had helped my client the way I should. I worked so hard to be a good therapist, to understand the research, to apply the theories and to keep up to date on everything I needed to know that was happening in my field. Somehow all the things I thought would make me an excellent therapist and make women  happy, just weren’t enough. What I really  needed to learn more about was simply  how to be happy.

Below are some basic rules about happiness. Hopefully you will chose to explore more in the pages linked below.

Rule  1 How to Be More Happy

False beliefs and assumptions about who you are or who you  should be often lead to unhappiness.

These beliefs are learned from society and your parents. For women in particular these beliefs can be stifling and oppressive. 

There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”

Anthony de Mello

Perhaps you believe you should always put others needs first, or that you always must say yes, or you should be skinny, or a perfect provider or a perfect housewife. This is an example of how false beliefs and assumptions can lead to unhappiness. Learn more about that in the pages linked below

For women with adhd this may invovle working on shame, unmasking and other deep work.

Rule 2 How To Be More Happy

False beliefs about what brings happiness can lead to unhappiness.

Stephen Covey often explains the quest for happiness in this way. If you are given a street map of a city where you are trying to find your way to a certain point, it should help you get to your destination. Suppose however, that you are given the wrong map? That will help you make a bigger mess of it than if you didn’t have one at all. How can you learn how to be happy if you have the wrong map?

All the happiness research tells us that many of us do have the wrong map. So many of those things we think we need to do, and to feel, and to have, to be happy are wrong. Oh no!

Rule  3 How To Be More Happy

Change it up when things aren’t working. 

We have to be able to observe and change our course when we are unhappy not keep doing more of the same. Often we need an entirely new map. Sometimes therapy is about figuring about what the new map is and ditching the one that our family or society has given us. 


“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Albert Einstein

We keep doing the same thing , though, like a hamster on the wheel. We don’t question the error of our habitual ways, or our map. We stubbornly hang on to that map and blame ourselves when we can’t get to our destination.

Why are we so unhappy?

Why cant we learn how to be more happy?

We don’t even consider the map could be wrong! Often, it is. In fact, sometimes it’s a map to unhappiness.

Rule  4 How to Be More Happy

Know yourself and your values. Live your life with intention, consistently with those values, everyday. Get the Map right.


“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
— Mahatma Gandhi

One of the mistakes that we make in our search for happiness is to lose touch with our values. We need to live a life that is consistent with  what we believe to be true  in the deepest part of ourselves. Sometimes it can take some digging but you can figure this out when you are going astray and make the necessary adjustments. Hopefully, this section of the website will help you to do this.

Rule  5 How to be More Happy

You have to put up with some discomfort to lead a happy and fulfilled life. Avoidance and pleasure seeking wont cut it.

Another mistake we make is seeking immediate gratification, avoiding all discomfort and pain, and forgetting that just because something feels good doesn’t mean its good or right, and just because something feels bad doesn’t mean its bad or wrong. You can learn to recognize these patterns and help yourself to make better choices.


Rule 6 How to Be More Happy

Cultivate Gratitude and  present orientated focus

Happiness is here, right now. If you think its somewhere else and chase after it, paradoxically you give it away. Gratitude and presence bring happiness.

Often my clients are working frantically to get something they think will make them happy. The right job, house, husband, or child. In the moment they are  sacrificing joy to get what they think will make them happy. Guess what? It rarely does. Unless we are talking about food on the table, a home to live in , or just enough money to get you what you really need, all those things you think will get you happiness won’t. It hasn’t worked before has it?

Being unable to be grateful and content with what we have and thinking that the grass needs to be greener is a huge source of unhappiness. The research bears this out. BUT we can’t use gratitude as a weapon to deny our pain and suffering. If you do this you are invalidate your experience. Gratitude should feel good and fill you up. It shouldn’t be a way to scold yourself. If so, you aren’t doing it right.

Learn some more about specific gratitude practices here:

Gratitude Journaling

Gratitude Visits

The Health Benefits of Gratitude

Learn about forgiveness and
some specific steps

Learn about letting go of anger

Letting go of resentment

How to let go of guilt

Learn about other practices that lead to happiness such as assertiveness

Asking for help

Assertiveness tip

Assertiveness at work

what does assertiveness mean

Why being assertive is important

Relationship and communication practices

Emotional contagion

Ending your relationship

Fear of failure

Codependency in relationships 

Relationship problems

Trust issues and relationships

Communicating better

Tone of voice in relationships

Good friends and their importance

How to be more self compassionate

Everything about self compassion

self compassion practices

mindfulness and self compassion

What is self compassion?


Core values and their importance to happiness

Corporate speedup


Mindfulness pages

Compassionate mind training

Components of mindfulness

Mindfulness in therapy

Components of mindfulness

Mindfulness and self compassion

Mindfulness in psychology

Mindfulness meditation


These pages are linked to pages related to habits that will help you to be happier. Please come back frequently because I add and update my website often.

Art: Happy by Roarysea at deviantart

Medical information obtained from this website is not intended as a substitute for professional care. If you have or suspect you have a problem, you should consult a healthcare provider.