Socially Inept Toddler

by Natalia Martinez
(Florida)

Question about Stranger Anxiety

My granddaughter is 25 months old. She would put the biggest tantrums when someone that she is not familiar with comes to the house or talks to her. At playgrounds she is fine as long as there are not other children, however if another child approaches her, she would want to leave. When at the mall, she often covers her face especially when someone looks or talks to her.

She has a 3 month old brother, she adores him and both her parents and family make sure she would get lots of love and attention when the baby was born.


Another problem with her is that she would not try any new foods, she only eats instant noodles, peanut butter and cheese, as a baby she would eat anything. Please let me know how to handle her, my daughter is a very good mum, however this situation is really getting to her.


Thank you

Dear Grandma:


I can imagine this is very stressful for the family! It sounds like your granddaughter may have some social anxiety, specifically stranger anxiety. Stranger anxiety is commonly seen around 8 months and peaks at about one year to fifteen months.

In regards to the play ground most two year olds are interested in being around other children, and begin playing interactively. I would spend time talking with her prior to going to places like the playground about how she can make friends or what is causing her anxiety in language she understands. Additionally I don’t have much of a concept of where she is with her play skills or her language skills or her development. It would be important to know if she is using her imagination and what kind of other play she engages in. IF she is developmentally delayed that might explain some of her stranger anxiety.


At the play ground I would encourage her to play with the other children, and not give in to leaving if possible .It may help to intervene with the parents, introduce yourself and introduce your grandchild as opposed to leaving her to fend for herself.

Sometimes anxious children need to be pushed through their anxiety, so it isn’t necessarily good to respond by leaving. At home, it may help to do a lot of playing with her, to teach her the social skills necessary to interact with other children( sharing etc). It also may help to pick children she knows or gets along with and arrange play dates.



At the mall however, that is a different story. Strangers should not necessarily be approaching her. I would intervene there and say” my child is anxious” or “my child is shy” shy or whatever, before anyone tries to talk with her. She needs more protection in a situation like that the adults around her she be accommodating her, not visa versa.


Same goes for strangers visiting. The people should understand that she may be anxious, and should be approached more gently than you would a child without that anxiety. It may be that there are specific things that are triggering her anxiety such as them touching her or speaking loudly and it may be important to discover those things, and then warn people not to do them.


A lot of children are picky about food at that age, and it does not necessarily indicate that anything is wrong. Most parents just have to try to get in the most nutrition that they can with what this kids will eat.



Finally if you continue to have concerns about your grandchild’s behavior, I would get her evaluated by a developmental psychologist and also consult with the pediatrician.


Anxiety doesn’t necessarily have to do with parenting. I’m sure your daughter is a wonderful mother, and your granddaughter’s behavior does not necessarily have anything to do with her mom being a poor parent.


Good Luck!!