My struggle to love my daughter

by Michelle
(Oceanside ca usa)

My almost nine year old daughter has had anger problems since two years old. She throws tantrums, says bad words, hits and destroys things when she doesn't hear the response she wants. She also has sensory issues which lead to anxiety. We have spent thousands on a program called Brain Balance which says that her central nervous system is not integrated. She has done OT services and has been on at least 20 different meds. Right now she is on risperdone and lamotragine. She has been able to mostly keep it together in school until now. She is in third grade and is starting to have anger issues in school, especially on the playground. At home, we walk on egg shells and feel abused. We start off calm and end up yelling. Over time, I am coming to resent my daughter. She is a twin and I find myself loving her sister more. I even think it would be better if she lived somewhere else. As you have stated, my marriage suffers daily. Most of our fighting is about my daughter. Our parenting is not on the same page when it comes to her and disciplining her. Any advice or help I would love. I feel like my life is lost.

Hi Michelle

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I have to admit I don't quite understand brain balance. I wonder what they suggest as a remedy for her rages? Are the meds she is taking now helping her? It doesn't sound like they are. I can tell you it is no wonder at all you think it would be better if she lived somewhere else and it doesn't mean you don't love her. MANY parents feel this way when they are faced with a difficult circumstance such as yours. There aren't always easy answers here but she needs more I think and you need support, and you and your husband need support. Your life matters, and clearly this is exhausting you. I just want to tell you to take care of yourself and practice self compassion. Clearly, it is a long road ahead of you. You may want to join my support group online, it's free and parents like it.

These parents are great.

Let me know what else I can do

Kristen McClure

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