My Son Doesn't Want Help

by Elizabeth
(Gastonia)

I have become the most anxious, frustrated, sad and anxious mom since my son's dx of bipolar, I sometimes wonder how we will go on like this. He will be 16 in April and often says he will run away for good at that age.


Back last April, he did run away for 3 days. Then again in Nov., he was gone for 4. There have been a few other times of just a day or two. He acts like it is stupid for me to get so upset, but I get sick to my stomach when he misses curfew! He does not understand why I have not gotten his learner's permit for him yet.


Truth be told, I don't think he has been stable for longer than a week since August when he took the class! He insists that he will "try harder' to be "good." I think some of that mentality comes from being told by various adults--my husband, teachers, administrators, and even a juvenile court judge that he needs to "just behave" and "make good choices." He is not always a terrible child, so why is he "choosing" such awful behaviors such as running away, self injury, self medicating with weed, pills, and alcohol, smashing out windows, etc. etc.? I believe our psychiatrist pretty much gave us our walking papers today, after 3 visits and ds coldly informing us both each time that he is not "interested" in taking medications.


We have a lot of confirmed and unconfirmed bipolar, depression, and alcoholism in our family, so I don't really doubt my son's diagnosis. Tonight he told me he does doubt it, because he thinks it is a crock he could be dxed so "easily." I told him to do some research, but he just wanted to spend an hour arguing with me about everything under the sun! I am fed up and wondering what kind of medication **I** need to survive this.