My ADHD/BiPolar grandson I am raising
(St. Louis, MO)
I am raising my soon to be eight year old grandson. He was born a preemee at 2.6 pounds. His mother, my son's ex girlfriend, did not want him and drank and partied while she was pregnant. She dropped him off at my son's whe he was a few months old to keep until she got her life in order. She is BiPolar and refuses to take meds. My son went to court and got legal custody. My son was working days and going to school at night to be a policeman. He was married to a horrible woman who was supposed to be watching and taking care of Joey, my grandson. She did nothing for him. she was lazy and sat in front of the TV all day and played a computer game with people all over the country. Joey ran around in a diaper. He would forage in the fridge for food at times. Finally she left but his first five formulative years were wasted. My son started working 12 hour shifts and could not afford a sitter. He was not going to put Joey in school until he turned six so I stepped in and took him into my home, which was 2 hours away from his Dad and enrolled him in Kindergarten.
My son had put him in daycare for a short time but they kicked him out because he was so violent at school. He tried to stab someone with a plastic fork, he used the F word continually, would not nap and was a generally bad kid. We finally found a Psychiatrist who took Medicaid and he was started on Risperdal and Tenex. After we got the dosage right it made a world of difference in his behavior. I enrolled him in Kindergarten and he did well. The problem was he was so small and emotionally immature that we had to repeat kindergarten. He does not have a learning disability, his Kindergarten teacher said he was brilliant. He sailed through Kindergarten the next year. His medicine was not working just right and I found a good psychiatrist, therapist and a case worker who comes to our home once a week.
Now in first grade we are having terrible problems. He is now on Intuniv which is a long lasting form of Tenex and he is on Abilify for BiPolar. The last few months with him have been pure hell for me. The Dr. has added Depakote and now zoloft. I have seen no change with these two new meds. He is defiant. Wants to go to all of the neighbors houses and just won't mind. He wants to talk ugly to me, which I will not tolerate. He goes back and forth. sometimes he is uncontrollable and other times very loving. He won't take no
for an answer and begs all the time to go places and wants me to buy him a toy everytime I go in a store. It has come to the point where I can't even take him to the grocery store without it causing a big scene. Joey is also a crier. He whined all the time as an infant and crys now over everything. Kids at school are starting to make fun of him.
The worst of all of this is he will be 8 years old next month and he wets his pants and has bowel movements in his pants almost everyday. I have to keep extra clothes in the nurse's office at school but sometimes he does this 2 or 3 times a day. I have had him to the DR., hospital and a nurse that specializes in incontinence. I was told to give him Miralax daily, that he was impacted from his meds. That gave him diarrhea so they decreased his dose. I am at my wits end. I find myself yelling at him because I am convinced he knows when he has to go but just doesn't want to stop what he is doing. This is especially true with wetting his pants. It is to the point that I wanted him to go back to his dad but the man I live with is so attached to Joey that his says it would be a death sentence for Joey and continually comes up with reasons why he should live with us. I am 61 years old and feel like I am a prisoner because I can't do anything because I feel I am being forced to raise a child that I should be loving from a distance like most grandparents. The worst part now is my son is sick and would not be able to care for him. His mother is not in the picture and she will never have him, that would be the death sentence. I have no family to help with him.
I have now taken him off of the miralax and the afternoon dose of depakote on my own. Joey has refused to eat a home cooked meal for the three years I have had him. He lived on TV dinners and hot dogs. I am now making him eat meals that we do that are healthy. He gets prunes and some fruit that he will eat but I am hoping that will help. He was xrayed and he is not impacted. I am trying fiber bars and things to regulate him.
My partner and I are starting parenting classes this week for parents of children with ADHD and other emotional problems. Today is Saturday and the loving Joey is here today. Hope he stays. Have to take one day at a time.