Ms Murphy

by Ms Murphy
(Australia)

Met a man who is very intelligent, has mild Bipolar and Depression. Began a relationship where he professed forever love. He had a depression episode and would not communicate with me for a couple of months. He finally said he was depressed and was under extreme stress. He said he just needed a little time. A month later I met him and his 'girlfriend of three months'. He said he had been going through a very mixed up time and was not taking medication any longer.
My questions are:
1. Would he actually remember cheating on me?
2. Would he remember much about the relationship as I suspect from his behavior that he might not.

This man ran the intensive care unit of one of Sydney's major hospitals for many years...he is running 4 linked businesses and has done for the last five years...he is very smart and very polite.

Would you be so kind as to shed some light on this as I am left very confused? He does not act as though he has done anything wrong and yet he clearly did.

I look forward to your reply and thank you.

Ms Murphy

Dear Ms Murphy

I am so sorry for the difficulties you are having. I wonder the length of your relationship prior to this incident happening. If it was a short term relationship, then I would be suspicious of him professing his love to you. It could be that this man just behaves this way with women. This may be independent of his illness. He may have some other difficulties such as a narcissistic personality, or a number of things. We all know of men that are players and behave this way.

Assuming that he is otherwise healthy, and suffers from mild depression and bipolar it seems unlikely that he could have forgotten that he cheated on you, or that he doesn’t remember the relationship. Again, the length of the relationship is significant. If he met you during a manic state, and it was a short term thing, it’s possible that his memory of what he did and said is not clear. But if you had a long term relationship with him, it seems highly unlikely that he would have difficulty remembering such things. Memory loss associated with bipolar can happen in rage or manic states and in combination with drug and alcohol abuse. But usually it is not for entire situations or events.


Good luck to you

Kristen McClure
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