Little girl in the closet
by Dave H.
I met and fell deeply in love with a woman who suffers from BPD. I did not know this at the start of our relationship, however I learned along the way with her behavior patterns and at one or two points she suggested having this condition, and even mentioned "cycling" in the context of a situation we had been in at one point.
She also told me in confidence that she was a "little girl in the closet" and at one point allowed me the privilege of joining her but at a later date angrily denied me that privilege. I have a personal theory that this was an emotional response to some childhood trauma but it is a layman's educated guess here and not based upon any evidence.
Her mood swings were dramatic, quick and changed just as quickly. When she became emotionally irritated she would flee, literally, walking away or driving her vehicle.
She is a lovely, extremely bright and educated woman, quite personable and with a good sense of right and wrong, but this untreated condition destroyed our relationship and most likely was the cause of dissolving her long-term marriage, prior to our having met.
She never seemed to genuinely warm up to people but was personable. There always seemed to be a wall between us in that way. She was hyper sexual which is a common trait apparently, but was faithful while in the relationship but extremely flirtatious.
Our relationship was passionate - to extremes. I was prodded and tested constantly to feed her ego and I had to maintain an air of calm at all times. It was a roller coaster romance for certain and emotionally exhausting most of the time.
I love her, do not judge her, miss her but know that she has great difficulty in maintaining relationships with men. She's now in a new relationship and so no longer under my kindly influence and I do worry that she is well.
Our contact is very infrequent and simply by email. This has dwindled down to nothing over the past year that we have been separated... she never accepted the fact that she needed to get back on her meds.
No questions to ask but wanted to share this... partners of those with BPD have to have a lot of strength and inner resolve to make this work.
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