Little girl in the closet

by Dave H.
(Seattle, WA)

I met and fell deeply in love with a woman who suffers from BPD. I did not know this at the start of our relationship, however I learned along the way with her behavior patterns and at one or two points she suggested having this condition, and even mentioned "cycling" in the context of a situation we had been in at one point.

She also told me in confidence that she was a "little girl in the closet" and at one point allowed me the privilege of joining her but at a later date angrily denied me that privilege. I have a personal theory that this was an emotional response to some childhood trauma but it is a layman's educated guess here and not based upon any evidence.

Her mood swings were dramatic, quick and changed just as quickly. When she became emotionally irritated she would flee, literally, walking away or driving her vehicle.
She is a lovely, extremely bright and educated woman, quite personable and with a good sense of right and wrong, but this untreated condition destroyed our relationship and most likely was the cause of dissolving her long-term marriage, prior to our having met.

She never seemed to genuinely warm up to people but was personable. There always seemed to be a wall between us in that way. She was hyper sexual which is a common trait apparently, but was faithful while in the relationship but extremely flirtatious.

Our relationship was passionate - to extremes. I was prodded and tested constantly to feed her ego and I had to maintain an air of calm at all times. It was a roller coaster romance for certain and emotionally exhausting most of the time.

I love her, do not judge her, miss her but know that she has great difficulty in maintaining relationships with men. She's now in a new relationship and so no longer under my kindly influence and I do worry that she is well.
Our contact is very infrequent and simply by email. This has dwindled down to nothing over the past year that we have been separated... she never accepted the fact that she needed to get back on her meds.

No questions to ask but wanted to share this... partners of those with BPD have to have a lot of strength and inner resolve to make this work.

Comments for Little girl in the closet

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 09, 2017
Blessed Mother NEW
by: SLK

Thank you for sharing that story. It describes my daughter to a T. Her fiancee has been the greatest rock in her life. He can read her moods and is able to anticipate the swings. She works with experimental drugs and is only having a few big episodes a year, now. It's a difficult road for a partner. I have been doing it for over 25 years with her father. 2 months ago he finally got help and meds. I cannot express the difference and calm in our house. I currently live with 2 bipolar family members and they are both on meds for their symptoms. Encourage treatment. It will make all the difference in the world.

Dec 19, 2016

by: Kristen

Thank You for sharing this helpful and insightful story. Many people can benefit from it.


Kristen McClure

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Questions and Stories about Bipolar Disorder.

Check out our online facebook support community for parents of kids with mood disorders 

Search my site with google custom search!

Medical information obtained from our website is not intended as a substitute for professional care. If you have or suspect you have a problem, you should consult a healthcare provider.