FOur year old girl in New Zealand with Separation and Social anxiety

I have a 4 year old girl who is going to be 5 in three weeks time. She currently attends preschool and is starting 3 school visits over the next three weeks to transition her into school life. Her sister aged 7 attends the same school.

She has been at the preschool for a year now and still has a problem with me leaving her. She will not settle down to do any activity with other children or the teachers. When it is time for me to leave she will hide behind me or bury her face in my legs and not let go and they literally have to tear her off me. After I am gone, the teachers reassure me she comes right after a couple of minutes and has no more issues during the sessions. She has often expressed that she does not like being the center of attention and thinks people will laugh at her if she says something wrong etc.


We have tried homeopathic treatment and are still carrying on with this.

I know the preschool/school transition is huge for her but how can I ease this anxiety and try and make it a happier experience for her over the next few weeks.

Hi Mirham

I'm sorry your daughter is experiencing anxiety.
Here are some ideas which may be helpful for you to ease her anxiety.

Watch your own anxiety


Pay close attention to your mood. IF you are experiencing distress or anxiety because of what has happened in the past, she will pick up on this and will feed off the insecurity. Remain calm and confident about her ability to handle the separation.

I like the idea of the school visits to transition her. School is normally a fun an stimulating experience for kids and so it may be that kindergarten is different than preschool. Talk about it with great excitement and give her a tremendous amount of support when she seems to enjoy things about school.

It may be that there is a special new ritual you can add to the morning, or even a job that she can assume in the family now that she is in kindergarten.

Finally, talking about anxiety is never a bad thing. If you figure out exactly what the fear is about, you can reassure her. For example, You may discover she is afraid of you not coming back. it helps to know that is one of the specific fears driving the anxiety. You can say things like " when has mommy never come back?" Exploring the specific fears can yield alot of insight and ideas for good ways to intervene.

Good Luck

Kristen McClure