Difficulties with my bipolar daughter
Hi, I have a daughter 17 years old that struggles with bipolar disorder. On top of that she has a lot of problems to interact with other teenagers, lack of interest in basic things and total lack of enthusiasm for anything. She does not like too much of anyone and is easily rejected from others too. From the age of 4-5 everyoone complains about her: teachers, colleagues etc... I was always defending her, thinking that it was true people was bad to her and I though the problem of getting friends was because she was shy too. The only friends that she got were the kids of my friends. Her father did not support us much and he leave when she was only 3 or 4 to other country. His help was always scarce and I had to struggle to cope with all problems, including my own. We have to move a lot from one place to other because of work and looking for opportunities that I could not find in my country. We traveled to Europe for work/study and to rejoin his father. I found out that he did not love me at all, he was treating me bad there and cheating on me. I divorced him one and half year after we arrived there but I stayed there where I did my PhD and worked for some years. Life was always challenging for her, a child very sensitive, shy, lacking of self esteem, and that was usually bullied by others because she was foreign and different (I did not know that cause she did not tell about). Everything it is harder for her than for a normal person. She started with mental issues at the age of 10-11, including insomnia and hearing voices. At 15 years old outbreak the disease after being rejected by a boy in front of other girls. She just lose her mind there. From that moment the situation with her got worse, a I was accused from her father of her mental problems. Basically he said that it was my fault, that I do not know how to take care of her and he said he could do better than me. He took her back to his country (what it was initially relieving for me), assuring she had not a mental illness and he cut her medicines (what I did not know). After 3 weeks without medicines she got sick again and he had to suffer what I suffered before, a child screaming, crying and laughing without reason, complaining for everything, desperate, angry, threatening suicide, without sleep and trying to do whatever her crazy mind wanted between other terrible things. So, when he realized the true, her disease, he wanted to put her back here the next day. He had to wait there 3 weeks for a small recovery from her with medicines to put her in a plane. After trying a lot of medicines including one (risperidona) that made her obese and with high cholesterol, finally
we found some medicines that worked with her and stabilized her a little bit (clozapine, equilid, carbamazepine and venlafaxine). Still with a lot of problems, without interest for life basically, without friends and depending too much on me, but at least finishing the secondary school, making some curses and interacting with her small sisters (I married again and had two girls). She also wants to go back with his father, living in Holland, to go into the university, but I do not think that is going to work (she has not any interest in reading one page of anything). Sometimes I feel upset because her lack of interest, cooperation, help in anything and confrontation with my current husband (that she never accepted). I feel frustrated having a child with all that issues, so much depending on me and I feel hopeless for her future. I somehow understand why people reject her, she can be very difficult, sometimes strange, absent mind, lacking interest for others and many times ignoring them. She does not like going to therapy and I do not want to go myself. I expended at the first years tons of money going from one therapist to other without getting any help. They were only interested in the payment. I have enough hearing all kind of complains that she gives every day. The true I am very tired from her, I feel unable to resist one crisis more, here where we are living, mental hospitals are a mess and any psychiatrist won't sent her there, because she is still a minor and they also mixed there psychiatric patients with addicts. In the country where the father is living (Holland) they are a little better and mental care is better too. Also people with psyquiatric problems get support and subsidies from the government (here nothing). She want to go with her father there to try in the university (in fashion career), is spite that I think it is not going to work and that her father is a coward (probably will want to put her back as soon as gets difficult). I am so tired that I want to let her go. That is the honest true. If you have any advice from your experience, let me know...Finding a good therapist here is a challenge and she does not trust them (me neither). She is crazy not stupid and she noticed that they were not good and that they promise support that they do not give. There is not compromise from them, a serious work plan, objectives with goals, nothing, like that I am not willing to expend the few money I have. Like I said I am tired and I see her going there as a relief, probably not the solution. At least she takes cares now from her medicines and she knows she needs to take them. Her father wont take them away anymore because he knows it can be worst without medicine. At least he learned something from the experience.