Daughters reaction

by Chris

Question:

My daughter is 4 and I have noticed a particular behavior when it comes to our neighbors. If my daughter is playing in the yard, and the neighbors come home she runs to the house or hides so they won't see her.


Just today she was at the park and when the neighbors came home, she froze behind the slide,cowered and started crying. She didn't want them to see her and was very distraught over it. My older daughter who is 7 brought her home but my 4 year old would not let go of her hand and walked very carefully.


I asked her what she was upset about and she just said that she missed her daddy, but started to cry all over again.


These neighbors have been nothing but nice to us and they know that my daughter has this trouble so never overstep boundaries by talking to her.
She also starts pre-k in 4 days and I am concerned if this is going to be a problem in school with others.


( I am a stay at home mom with a home business)

Thanks for taking the time to read and answer on this issue.

Answer:

Hi Chris:

I'm sorry it has taken so long for me to respond. I'm not clear on whether this is specific to your neighbors or if you have had this experience with your daughter with other adults.

It may be that you are describing shy behavior. It certainly seems that it is worth exploring what it is that is scaring your daughter, and perhaps art work would be a good way for you to explore with her why she is frightened in front of the neighbors. It may also be that she associates something she is scared of with the neighbors. So for example, if something scary occurred simultaneously when she saw the neighbors she might pair that scary response she had with the neighbors even thought its not really connected.

If you have no concerns that the neighbors are unsafe in any way, it would be helpful for her to have a positive experience with them to get over her fear. Remember avoidance of anxiety is what makes it stronger, and facing it diminishes it!




Sincerely,

Kristen



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