child anxiety

Hello, I have been reading on childhood anxiety and as a parent it is hard to want to believe that your child may have an illness. How do you tell or rather separate what is normal behavior for a 7 and half year old girl and what may be a disorder?


Our 7 and half year old daughter in the past 2 years has started some behavior of concern. She is a perfectionist and when she doesn't get something for the first time she will start to cry and say I can't I can't and just sit on the floor. Or when I am working with her or even when the teacher is working with her on her dance solo she will act like that and say I don't understand when she will have just done the movement but then when she tries to do it again and can't she start that all over again. Just like a perfectionist she is very hard on herself. She cries every time my husband goes out of town and says stuff like “what if he dies”?


When I drop her off at school in the mornings she will be walking to the door and will look back at me a million times waving and blowing me kisses and she sometimes will get teary eyed and say” I will miss you today”.


She will have outbursts like when we came home one night from dance she was hungry and she was fine in the car and the minute got in the house she opened the door took one step in and she said to her dad " You better have dinner ready!". My husband said “What! don't talk to me like that”. She started crying and saying well I am hungry I am hungry. She had a burger after school and it had only been like 2 hours so I felt like she was being overly dramatic. She will talk to my husband and I like this all the time.


And she makes great grades always A's on the report card and if she makes a c on a paper she flips out and cries. My husband and I don't get on to her for the C because it’s not in her nature to make a grade like that. She loves to read. She doesn't act depressed she is very very outgoing and does dance and gymnastics and plays outside a lot.

She is very talented but will always have that negative low self esteem about herself when my husband and I and everyone else around her constantly tell her how awesome she is at everything and to believe in herself. She will often ask me like when she is doing her tumbling or gymnastics mom do you think I can do it and I say absolutely you can and she will just hesitate and say ok her I go and then she won't do like her back handspring she will go I can't I can't then after that first couple and I say see I knew you could do it then she is fine but it’s like she will have this emotional 20 minute to an hour break down before she gets over it. I push through it because I don't want her to have this emotional fit for an hour and then leave thinking she couldn't do it . We stay and I spend an hour encouraging her and she will finally do it then she is fine.


She does have some pretty major mood swings but I can't tell if it is because she is acting like a kid or something else. She is never violent and never is mean to animals or hits or bites or anything like that. She does sometimes have it out for her brother. But they are normal with each other.LOL We give her a ton of attention in fact more than our son!!! She is very emotional. What should we do? Is this just a phase and how do we tell? Please help I am sooooo frustrated!!!
Thank You


Hi

Thank you for your very thorough description of what is happening with your child! I can't make diagnosis online. I can tell you that certainly, perfectionism, tantrums and the kind of behavior you are reporting are certainly associated with generalized anxiety disorder in children.

Your question as to how you tell what is normal versus what is anxiety is a good one. A rule of thumb is that if the behavior is interfering in a child's family, school or peer interactions significantly then it is a problem worth seeing a professional for. It certainly sounds like from your description, her behavior is impairing her normal functioning within the family.

I would recommend you look up a local professional who specializes in working with children who is familiar with anxiety. You want to make SURE they are familiar with anxiety, otherwise your child may be treated as having a behavioral disorder, which might be incorrect!

Good luck

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