Bipolar teen......looking to help as best i can.....

by Jackie

I'm 19 years old and have bipolar 2 disorder. doctors say it started when i was in the 4th grade. From that moment i was constantly struggling in school, home and with "friends" I had at those times.


the two main things i struggled with, and still do from time to time, was my family, but more so myself. i was so confused constantly and so afraid all the time of what was going on inside my head. it was like i was on a never ending horror ride at a theme park. it got so bad, when i was about 9 or 10 years old my mom and i were eating dinner. right out of the blue i looked over at her and asked straight up " mom....am i going crazy?".


i don't exactly know how to describe the intensity of the emotions i felt. but to give a good idea, take what the "average" person feels (anger, sadness, scared, even happy) and try to multiply it times 50, maybe even 100. to try to lesson the intensity i would self mutilate. it started at an early age. at the time i just didn't know what else to do. all this continued all the way to my first 9th grade year. yes, i failed that year. the reason for that is because my disorder got worse, i got into drugs and alcohol, i constantly skipped school and i was hospitalized a few times. now, to most people being hospitalized in a psychiatric facility means that person is "crazy". nope.


at least not for me. i know now that i was hospitalized because i was not safe from myself, my friends and family were not able to help me, i needed to get on medication and i needed to be in a safe, neutral environment. in the end, it really did help. it helped me A LOT! i learned so much. BUT, i was willing to learn. when i was able to take all the coping skills i received and created, and place them in my daily life, i was able to control my emotions, for the most part, and the bigger picture became clear enough for me to find my path in life.



now, at this point in time, despite all that I've been through and endured, i have NEVER felt this balanced and in control.....i even find myself laughing and smiling everyday. i found my path to recovery, i took baby steps the whole way, i fell and learned, i got back up and continued on. what helped me the most was finding people who understood me and what i was going through. my family had no clue. they still don't. but they try REALLY hard to understand. that made it kinda worse for me at times.



most of the time i just wanted them to leave me alone so i could deal with it myself on my own time. and as for my friends.....up until about two years ago most of my friends were bad influences. now, I've learned how to choose my friends wisely. the friends i have now help me stay on the right track.....and they love me for me. they know everything about my past. bipolarness and all. hahaha.



yes i had my therapist and psychiatrist, but what helped most was a support group i went to. so, really REALLY long story short, it will take time, effort and a lot of love and support from those around a person to help them with their path to recovery, no matter how old or young that person is with bipolar disorder. speaking from my own experience, the more positivity that person is surrounded by, more doors will open. it took me four years to get to where i am today. but you know what, it was all worth it.