Bipolar child and life of misery and shame into adulthod
Well I'm 34 now never shared this with anyone in the world. I'm a classic extreme case of bipolar. I'm sharing my story to help other people and families understand. I always had something wrong with me at a early age. I always felt ashamed of myself always. Bipolar is like the weather extreme highs and lows a act of nature that's what bipolar is in extreme cases. s
Sorry for boring you but people need to know how bad it feels. I have never had many friends or family all my life from this disease i freak-out and feel ashamed how I have hurt everyone around me and myself. Well here's my story and all the truth and I'm a lost cause now but hope I can help someone and professionals understand.
At a early age I was a angry child unbearable child to anyone around me. I remember my first day going to school I kicked the principal and destroyed his desk paperwork I don't know why I did it to this day.
I remember that day but not much in my childhood. I always wet my bed till 14 years old and got punished for it I felt bad enough wetting bed and wasn't my fault. I have learning problems to my parents tried to help me. but no matter how hard I tried till this day, I still write like a 5yr old to this day no matter how hard i try.
I cant even roll a smoke like a normal person does no matter how hard I try. no one could tell me what to do as well not even the queen lol. don't know why i acted this way but it's a disease . I always hated school and never went from a early age from 7 years old police would come take me to school and i would tell them where to go. with bipolar in extreme cases no one can tell you what to do. my parents tried their best to help me but with extreme bipolar and sent me to shrinks but i told them where to go and smashed there office up don't know why i did it. extreme bipolar people hate authority and rebel. extreme cases of bipolar kids feel ashamed most of time like i do. at age 8 i got sent to children's home my mum said I'm going to a restaurant . got there I broke every window and runaway and they wouldn't take me. feel so bad for my parents why I acted this way can't explain it. it's a disease that controls you. a few months later i got send back there again and this time they took me in, I was alone and isolated there still with all extreme kids with family problems. Stayed there for a 6 months and one could control me or my moods. I felt alone and ashamed of myself i was only 8 . I wouldn't even go to school there told them where to go and only went when I felt like it.
People could lock me up for hours and hours didn't worry me. I was a sad lonely boy with feelings of shame and anger. never made many friends my whole life as well, back to my shameful story. sp went back home when i was 9 and didn't last long i wouldn't go to school not unless I wanted to no one could make me.
So I got send to my dad's bailed in back of car from school at lunchtime from my school l friends and said putting me in a naughty boys home. I wasn't a bad kid just was lost and lonely and confused and can't explain why i was so angry bitter to my family and world. I got send to a yuppie boarding school as a punishment no one could handle me. so was stuck there for a year and a bit until kicked out.
A bipolar kid like I was felt ashamed and lost and useless. tried to fit in but always was on another planet. Sorry for boring you this is a genuine story and hope helps somebody feeling what i feel. so after that school got sent home to my mums. only lasted 6 months i would go to school if i didn't want to again. so i got put in hospital for problem kids. i would never talk to the shrinks
just tell the to fuck off. wouldn't go to school there either and got locked up in a time out room i would sit there all-day and night didn't worry me and used every word under sun. i was only a kid and was to much for anyone in where naughty kids go.
Runway and was so angry and just laughed when was in trouble. my actions weren't me but a disease i couldn't help how i behaved. a extreme case of bipolar is feeling of being alone and a loner who ashamed even to walk don road. I pushed everyone away who loved me. from there i went back home and wouldn't got to school my mum would give me 5 backs a day to go i wouldn't go just went and played video games' was always alone and sad and lonely. got send to a family home after all my bullshit and anger. didn't fit in there either but lasted 3 years and went to school most days. i was a sad lonely boy who pushed away the world and scared of the world.
I'm 34 now lived with this way too long and beyond help now. bipolar is rare in a kid and a extreme case won't let people help just will be angry sad and runaway . people tried to help went though the system and wouldn't let anyone in . a bipolar kid has extreme moods won't let anyone tell you what to do if you don't want to do it. hurt family and friends . have trouble learning and be retarded in like writing and learning and doing things will try to to them no matter what you fail at most things.
Ashamed sad and sorry are feelings extreme kids have.
I'm 34 trying to get help but getting cut off everywhere I try . sad but true I want help but beyond that i see. bipolar is a disease that cripples people and we can't ask for help we are ashamed and guilty all the time. bipolar kids have no ambitions goals if untreated into adulthood. bipolar in kids is deadly and destructive and not their fault at all.
You have highs and lows but never fit in and turn to alcohol and drugs to ease the pain its medication. bipolar kids are loners in extreme cases and scared of the world. the saddest thing for me i have tried to seek help and got kicked in guts and asked for help from a family member who researches stuff like this and brushes me off and says have got social anxiety disorder so sad .
Bipolar kids have many addictions and obsessive disorders and alcohol problems and sex problems like addicted to hookers for company not sex . ecstasy really helped me as a drug made me live again but can't get no more. I'm a lost cause but extreme bipolar kids hide their illness from everybody there world of misery.
I could write a book how bad this disease is shame . I want help but can't get it so sharing my story on how it is. 34 untreated kill you and your family and the pain and sadness we feel is a death sentence for life. Well I explained my extreme bipolar I know I'm not the only one but this a extreme case of shame.
This is a tragic story. I can't thank you enough, though for sharing this with us, as I for one learned something that will certainly be beneficial to the people I help. I am quite sure that it took an incredible amount of courage for you to write this, and to share it was a selfless and compassionate act.
The things that happened were not your fault, and you did not get the help you need, probably because 20 years ago no one understood how to help you. You should not have been treated as a criminal when you had a mental illness, and I feel so much remorse and sadness and anger at reading your story that it will serve as a motivation to continue to do the work that I do with a renewed commitment.
I want to tell you that you are not beyond help. There are many, many things that can be done to improve the quality of your life. If you want to contact me directly, here; firstname.lastname@example.org I am happy to find you some help.