beyond frustrated

I don't even know where to start. My 16 y.o. son has bipolar tendencies, rages, inflated ego, etc. I tend to baby him and respond with fear to his threats of running away and so forth. My husband, to whom I am separated at this moment, has tried to respond with control. I'm having a hard time trusting that his way is right. If he's stands up to my son and if I stand up to him(my son)....what if he really does run away and I lose him?



I know I haven't given a lot of details, but I am just so exhausted by it all. Any insight would be appreciated.

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Sep 19, 2011
Violent Teens
by: Anonymous

"what if he really does run away and I lose him?" This was my fear for 15 years with our 3 children who we adopted through the foster care program. They all have various diagnoses: depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, ADD, ODD, PTSD, etc. . They are 20, 18, and 13 now. Our daughter did finally leave, and in a very hurtful, angry way involving lots of deception and negativity. We home schooled and turned our lives upside down and inside out for 15 years to try and "make it better". In the end, she left anyway, and is not living the life we dreamed of for her by any stretch of the imagination. You can turn your life upside down too, but it won't make things better for your son and it won't guarantee that he stays, and ultimately staying might not be best for him, or for you. Our family life is much more peaceful now, and free from much of the painful conflict we endured when our daughter was living at home. I would never, ever have believed that I would be o.k. with her leaving, but, despite the initial pain and disappointment, it was indeed for the best. She is struggling, but learning life lessons from her struggles that she couldn't learn while living at home. She is looking for a better job now because she must in order to survive financially, not just because we (her parents) tell her to. There are so many things she is compelled to do now, for survival, that she refused to do while living comfortably at home. My 18 yr old son is now facing these choices as well. When he kicked in a door 2 months ago, we called the sheriff. Protecting them from their own behavior will only delay the inevitable - let him start learning now! There are real, tough consequences for violence - don't protect him from the outcome of his poor choices. He won't love you more, respect you more, or stay longer simply because you tolerate his violent behavior. Hang in there - it is the most painful experience we have ever had to endure as parents. Raising violent, angry teens with mood disorders is overwhelming most days.

Sep 19, 2011
Violent Teens
by: Anonymous

"what if he really does run away and I lose him?" This was my fear for 15 years with our 3 children who we adopted through the foster care program. They all have various diagnoses: depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety disorder, ADD, ODD, PTSD, etc. . They are 20, 18, and 13 now. Our daughter did finally leave, and in a very hurtful, angry way involving lots of deception and negativity. We home schooled and turned our lives upside down and inside out for 15 years to try and "make it better". In the end, she left anyway, and is not living the life we dreamed of for her by any stretch of the imagination. You can turn your life upside down too, but it won't make things better for your son and it won't guarantee that he stays, and ultimately staying might not be best for him, or for you. Our family life is much more peaceful now, and free from much of the painful conflict we endured when our daughter was living at home. I would never, ever have believed that I would be o.k. with her leaving, but, despite the initial pain and disappointment, it was indeed for the best. She is struggling, but learning life lessons from her struggles that she couldn't learn while living at home. She is looking for a better job now because she must in order to survive financially, not just because we (her parents) tell her to. There are so many things she is compelled to do now, for survival, that she refused to do while living comfortably at home. My 18 yr old son is now facing these choices as well. When he kicked in a door 2 months ago, we called the sheriff. Protecting them from their own behavior will only delay the inevitable - let him start learning now! There are real, tough consequences for violence - don't protect him from the outcome of his poor choices. He won't love you more, respect you more, or stay longer simply because you tolerate his violent behavior. Hang in there - it is the most painful experience we ever had to endure as parents. Raising violent, angry teens with mood disorders is overwhelming most days.

May 04, 2011
sweet Beyond
by: Anonymous

You have to stand up to your son. Enableing him will not teach him how to handle real life when he is an adult. I have a 19 year old daughter who is bipolar and oppositional defiant disorder. she has extreme outbursts and violent behavior and let me tell you, I am NOT afraid to take her down. In fact I have had to many times. she hits, bites, kicks, cusses you name it, but she knows when she has recovered from these episodes, that my strength and tough love are the best thing for her. You can't worry about losing your son. If he doesnt get control of his behaviors you will lose him to the illness. He could fall into drugs, alcohol abuse, promisquity, and more. I love my daughter more than anything but I am her mother first. there is time later, to be her friend. there isn't an employer, teacher, potential spouse or anyone else that will tolerate her behavior when she is older and if she cant get it together now and learn boundaries, she will for sure be lost forever. you have to be strong and stand firm yet be loving. but tough love is better than enabling them. recently, my daughter attacked me because she didnt get her way. I actually had to pin her to the floor all the while getting bit and hit. when she was through the meltdown, I told her I loved her and wanted the best for her but she was NOT going to treat me that way again and if she did... i would give her just two months to find a new place to live. The thought of her on her own with no job, no money, no roof scares the life out of me. but, the thought of her seriously hurting someone is even scarier. hang in there, you are NOT alone.

Boundaries,

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