ADHD or BIpolar , both, neither??

I am so confused my 8 year old throws tantrums that last for hours when plans change or she does not get her own way or she has to " wait for even a second for something. Everything has to be done " right now" she will bang her head on the back of the car seat, pull her hair frequently say " I hate my life" when asked to elaborate she says " because I have to pick up my room" " my life has been terrible since I was born" you don' t understand." she says this all the time". When angry she says she" hates me " tells me to "shut up,shush it, your stupid, your annoying" " I'm going to go off on you" she pinches and pushes me." out of frustration, is hyperactive, distracted , cannot understand or follow directions at school, poor grades, forgetful( has to be told ( numerous times to do something such as put her neckgear on o,r brush her teeth).

She is unorganized, messy, impulsive, shaved off part of her eyebrow while trying to shave off the hair ( nonexistent) on her forehead. Wrote a note saying " need to look prettier" ( she is always told by everyone how beautiful she is) she was first taken to psychologist due to concern about calories, questions about" do I look fat in this" running in circles in the back yard to " lose some pounds" melt down while truing to find just the " right outfit to wear. Tried on every piece of clothing in closet. Thenclothes on floor.

Started crying. Wants to look perfect. Pinched friend causing nail marks because friend said she liked a boy that my daughter liked. Diagnosed with ADHD.
Concerta worked wonders. She lost 8 pounds in3 wks ..stomach aches. Went off concerta. Switched to methyl in...caused extreme irritability, slight depression. Took her off methyl in. Sometimes she has friend spend the night she won't go to sleep until 4 am she becomes so hyper. She will laugh uncontrollably. I even asked my mom" do you think she drank the mouthwash or something? She's acting really giddy?

Ashe won't stop laughing." but , the mouthwash was full..she was just giddy. She was so sad one day because plans changed , her friend could not stay over. She just lay on bed crying, not speaking. Saying " I hate my life" wrote a note to the friend" how do you put up with me"
My mom thinks I'm Overreacting .

There is nothing wrong with her , it is my poor parenting skills. She thinks I'm too easy on my
daughter. She read the list of symptoms I wrote to the doctor and said it was like I was talking about a stranger. My daughter was one of " the happiest kids she knew" she was just naughty because I do not discipline her and she has no respect me. I have bipolar 1 , OCD and GAD, stable for 2 years. A lot of suffering while undiagnosed as a child. I do not want to miss the diagnosis in my child if it is a possibility. I read that methyl in can cause bipolar symptoms to worsen if child is not on a mood stabilizer. That is understandable to me. Why the concerta worked so well, I do not know.

She also has recovering alcoholism on both sides. Mother and father before she was born. I know this combined with my bipolar 1 makes her more likely to to have a mood disorder. She is currently off all medication. And pediatrician would like her to see psychiatrist asap. My mom is furious that doctors could even consider bipolar and does not agree with ADHD diagnosis. (School has been virtually begging me to have her tested for ADHD for 3years). finally I did. She was diagnosed and now doctor is considering bipolar. My question is ..I live w/ my mom...I am extremely stigmatized due to bipolar psychosis 10 years ago. ECT to treat major depression 3 years ago. My mom thinks that I am not as well and capable as I am. 10 years of therapy has helped me to be realistic. And I know that something is not right, my daughter is not just an " undisciplined brat" i believe she truly has some sort of chemical imbalance/ mood disorder. She doesn't go to sleep until the earliest 12:30am will sleep until 12pm if allowed on the weekend Mon - Friday is a nightmare in the AM getting ready for school she is cranky, irritable, argumentative, name calling. Always in trouble at school. Please if anyone can let me know if I should have her tested for bipolar? Against my mom and entire families wishes. They all think that I am crazy. But I know in my heart that something is truly off with her mood,
Psychologist initially said 100 percent positive ADHD. Now she is unsure of diagnosis. I have NO family support/backing. Teacher very impatient with my daughter, picks at every minor infraction such as wiggling her hand instead of just politely raising it. Playing with her hair clips. Touching the outside of the pencil sharpener.this is also hard on her self esteem I believe. Please , if anyone can help with a similar story and what I can do to help my daughter to be happy. She is failing with graded papers 36, 45, 62, 50 percent . She does not understand the work without medicine. She was spitting it out for 3 days. She hates to take medicine. Does anyone else have this problem. I am concerned if she DOES have to take some sort of med in the future. Please help with your advise.

One very worried and concerned mom